I have been hiding. Where you ask? In diet world. Yep, I went on 3 diets in 3 months. Did they work? Well, that depends on your version of work. It worked in a couple of ways.
1. My self esteem is back in the toilet.
2. I have been HUNGRY
3. I have lost my mind counting this or that.
So, now, I come running back to the world of intuitive eating. I have a different attitude and I am ready to work on it. But first, let's rewind back for a few months.
From April 07 until July of 07, I tried IE and didn't weigh myself. At the time, I thought that I was "doing it right". I was gaining weight and everyone reassured me that this was normal. One day, I went shopping and had to buy a size 16. A size 16. A place I swore that I would never be again. The very next day, I got on the scale. I had to know. I weighed 23 lbs higher than I had before I began IE. This was not acceptable. My wedding is coming up and my dress *had* to fit.
I joined weightwatchers the next morning. I started out AGAIN on the flex plan. That lasted about a week. Then on to the core plan. That lasted a little longer. And finally, I ended up counting calories. I was desperate to lose weight.
My therapist kept telling me to just try on the dress. For weeks I continued to diet and not try on the dress. Well, yesterday, as I was starving, I decided that I couldn't do it anymore. I had some almonds, that shot me out of my calorie range, and tried on the dress. And guess what people, the damn thing fits. It fits. Of course, I will be purchasing some spanx, but it fits. I decided in that moment that I was done dieting. And I hope this time it is for good.
But this time will be different. I need to work slowly this time. I need to focus on what my body needs and not what my mind and mouth want. I need to learn to love my body as it is now. If I get smaller, that is great and if not, I have to love me anyway. I will eat out of hunger and forgive myself if I eat when I am not instead of binging. And I will work on not weighing myself. This will take time and I am not sure if I am willing to ever give it up completely. But, I can handle just once every two weeks. Maybe then once every month and so on. In the meantime, I will use the scale as information only. I won't let it determine how I feel about myself.
I once read that sometimes people go back to dieting once or twice before really getting it. I think I get it.
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8 comments:
Hey sweetie,
I've thought about you a lot in the last few months. Hope you'll stick around so we can continue helping each other through all of this...stuff. I've got a new blog address now, and hope to see you around!
healthyhappyandwise.blogspot.com
Love,
Jen
welcome back!
love h.x
C --
I just happened upon your blog and I want to say first and foremost --great job! I so admire your openness with this journey because your stories will certainly help others. I also wanted to share a new resource with you in case you're looking for yet another supportive non-dieting resource. If so, check out my website and e-book at http://www.eatwhenyourehungry.com as well as my blog at http://eatwhenyourehungry.blogspot.com/. I created both to help people just like you...so take a look.
Best,
Maggie
Hi,
thank you for coming by to say hi!
When I gave up dieting I also swung in and out of "levels" of going back.
If you have been living your entire life one way and finding comfort (even if accompanied by pain) in that, I can't say that it makes a ton of sense to just turn your back on it.
So you're taking it slow. You've learned some thing. I'm glad you know you could come back here (and for the record, where I hang in the blogosphere, you are welcome back even when you're playing with those old ways again. We're here to support.).
take care,
ae
We're on the same page. I've recently sworn (yet again!) never to diet again. Ever.
Welcome back!
It's so easy to get into the mindframe that we need to lose weight and that dieting will offer solutions. I am trying so hard to keep away from this (have a look at http://findingserenitywithinme.blogspot.com/ )
I know I will get there eventually.
Like the saying goes 'Fall down 7 times, get up 8'.
Sarah
x
Hi there and welome back -- although I'm a first time visitor, too. :) I've been an IE-er for about the past two years, and I've seriously never been happier. I used to spend so much time counting calories and thinking about food...there's so much more to life!
And yep, at first I gained 5 pounds when I started IE, and then it just started slowly coming off. Now I stay within a healthy 5-pound range and only weigh myself once a week.
Great blog.
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