For the past couple of nights, I have eaten dinner to a point of what I thought was satisfying. But within 15 minutes of "finishing", I still feel hungry. I think that I am afraid of eating too much. I guess I have been trying to leave food on my plate, though I am serving myself small portions. My mind is playing tricks on me.
I have always been a member of the clean plate club, for as long as I can remember. In fact, my very first memory as a child is my father enforcing the clean plate rule. My mind has just always thought that if the plate was empty, then it is OK to quit eating. For the first few days of IE, I really had a hard time leaving food on my plate, but I worked my way through it and accepted that it is OK to leave the food there. Better to go to waste than to my waist.
So, what is happening, some sort of weird reverse psychology? Now, I have it in my head that if I do finish my plate then I MUST have eaten too much. Boy, what I fine line this one truly is. The truth of the matter is that if I haven't served myself 17 potions, then it may in fact be OK to clean my plate. And even still, I could go back for seconds on occasion.
Hmmm. What a concept.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
3/4 of a bread stick?
One of my favorite foods is Italian. Love it. Could eat it every meal of every day. But, in my previous diet life, I avoided Italian restaurants like the plague. Too much bread, pasta and fabulous salad dressing. Had I gone to an Italian place in my diet life, I would have been "off the wagon", of course. And of course, I would have eaten the entire bread basket, a "fattening" salad, my entire meal and dessert. I would have left feeling like I needed my stomach pumped and that a nap was in my very near future.
Oh my, how times have changed.
Yesterday, Mike, my dear fiance and I went to eat at an Italian place for lunch! I was excited and ready to listen to my body for this fabulous meal. I ordered my favorite dish from the menu, mushroom stuffed ravioli, instead of what I perceived to be the healthiest thing to order. So, along came the salad and the bread, probably my favorite part. Can I just say that I ate the salad without touching the bread? I once again ate slowly, enjoying every bite and I didn't avoid the croutons. Once I finished the salad, I patiently waited for my meal to come. I did not gobble down bread until the basket was clean. Let me say it again, I did not gobble down bread until the basket was clean.
So, my meal arrived and it looked divine. With the meal, I did have bread and each and every bite of my lunch was enjoyed. I must say, it was very pleasurable. Once I decided that I was satisfied, I put my napkin in my plate and noticed something that was astonishing to my eyes. There was 1/4 of the bread stick left.
This was a life changing moment for me. Can I really walk out of an Italian restaurant not feeling stuffed? Can I really just eat 3/4 of a bread stick?
Why, yes, yes I can :)
Oh my, how times have changed.
Yesterday, Mike, my dear fiance and I went to eat at an Italian place for lunch! I was excited and ready to listen to my body for this fabulous meal. I ordered my favorite dish from the menu, mushroom stuffed ravioli, instead of what I perceived to be the healthiest thing to order. So, along came the salad and the bread, probably my favorite part. Can I just say that I ate the salad without touching the bread? I once again ate slowly, enjoying every bite and I didn't avoid the croutons. Once I finished the salad, I patiently waited for my meal to come. I did not gobble down bread until the basket was clean. Let me say it again, I did not gobble down bread until the basket was clean.
So, my meal arrived and it looked divine. With the meal, I did have bread and each and every bite of my lunch was enjoyed. I must say, it was very pleasurable. Once I decided that I was satisfied, I put my napkin in my plate and noticed something that was astonishing to my eyes. There was 1/4 of the bread stick left.
This was a life changing moment for me. Can I really walk out of an Italian restaurant not feeling stuffed? Can I really just eat 3/4 of a bread stick?
Why, yes, yes I can :)
Friday, March 23, 2007
The sigh
Yesterday, I spent alot of time reading blogs, articles and talking to people about the hunger scale and knowing when enough is enough. I was feeling a bit discouraged about the hunger scale as I couldn't seem to find anything that really fit me. I spoke to my dear friend, Monica, the health counselor about it. I suggested to her that I wanted to write my own hunger scale. She thought it was a terrific idea, so I hope to produce one of those in the next couple of days. I did, however, find what I thought was a very exciting tip about how to know when enough is enough. Through the ww core plan, I learned about the sigh and I have only ever caught it once so this new tip was thrilling to find. One blogger said that she knew she was satisfied when she wanted to take a drink of water while eating. Oh My. What a great little tip, I took this knowledge and was ready to put it into action at dinner.
So, my dear fiance and I sat down for a lovely meal of tofu and vegetable stir fry over bulgar, one of my favorites. Armed with my glass of water, I began to eat. Well, after two bites I was thirsty. Damn teryaki sauce. I knew this was not my point of satisfied. So, I really took my time chewing, putting my fork down between bites and really enjoying the flavors. And low and behold, guess what happened. Yep, that's right. I sighed. And better still, I stopped eating when it happened and my stomach felt exactly comfortable with the amount of food in it. Who'd a thunk.
Sigh.
So, my dear fiance and I sat down for a lovely meal of tofu and vegetable stir fry over bulgar, one of my favorites. Armed with my glass of water, I began to eat. Well, after two bites I was thirsty. Damn teryaki sauce. I knew this was not my point of satisfied. So, I really took my time chewing, putting my fork down between bites and really enjoying the flavors. And low and behold, guess what happened. Yep, that's right. I sighed. And better still, I stopped eating when it happened and my stomach felt exactly comfortable with the amount of food in it. Who'd a thunk.
Sigh.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
And so I began
Though I didn't have my copy of Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD and Elyse Resch, MS, RD, FADA yet, I had read lots of articles and had a number of discussions with my friend. So, I tried my best to incorporate what I knew into my day yesterday. I think I did pretty well. I actually went to the health food store last night an eyed all of the goodies, thinking that if I really wanted it, I could really have it. I looked at Thai dumplings, organic cookies and even the fruits and vegetables. Nothing really jumped out at me and said "Eat Me", to my surprise of course. I was content with what was on the menu for dinner when I got home: Whole Wheat roasted veggie pizza and kale sauteed in olive oil.
I was delighted to find my copy of the book waiting for me when I arrived home. As soon as I saw the box, I was excited, I began reading it right after dinner. The dinner I ate intuitively, I think. :)
Reading the first couple of chapters brings about some fears but also a sense of relief. It talks about eating whatever I want, as long as I am hungry and stop at satisfied, of course. The thought of eating whatever I want really scares me. It goes on to say that in the first stage of intuitive eating, I may eat a lot of unhealthy food but that I should really focus on how the foods make me feel. After a while, my body will crave the healthy food. Which, I can thankfully say, it really does crave healthy food a good portion of the time. The thought of eating pizza anytime I really want it is scary; will I ever get to a place that pizza, ice cream and chocolate cake only cross my mind rarely?
It also says that I need to really focus on what I want to eat, that I should think about the sensations that all sorts of food will provide and choose what sounds the best. This is supposed to help me really determine if I am hungry for food or for something else, like stress relief or comfort. This thought also scares me a bit. Getting in touch with the emotions that bring about my unhealthy eating habits seems like a daunting task. I am happy to report that most recently, I have been tackling my biggest food fight. Stress. Oh, it seems to be ever so abundant in my life right now. I have been learning to take time out from my hectic schedule for some much needed me time. I have even been reading, EVERYDAY. Everyday. I haven't read every day in years. I am also finding much relief in long walks with my dear fiance and long hot baths as often as possible.
Though I have these fears, I feel empowered. So empowered that I ate my cereal out of a teeny tiny bowl this morning. ;)
I was delighted to find my copy of the book waiting for me when I arrived home. As soon as I saw the box, I was excited, I began reading it right after dinner. The dinner I ate intuitively, I think. :)
Reading the first couple of chapters brings about some fears but also a sense of relief. It talks about eating whatever I want, as long as I am hungry and stop at satisfied, of course. The thought of eating whatever I want really scares me. It goes on to say that in the first stage of intuitive eating, I may eat a lot of unhealthy food but that I should really focus on how the foods make me feel. After a while, my body will crave the healthy food. Which, I can thankfully say, it really does crave healthy food a good portion of the time. The thought of eating pizza anytime I really want it is scary; will I ever get to a place that pizza, ice cream and chocolate cake only cross my mind rarely?
It also says that I need to really focus on what I want to eat, that I should think about the sensations that all sorts of food will provide and choose what sounds the best. This is supposed to help me really determine if I am hungry for food or for something else, like stress relief or comfort. This thought also scares me a bit. Getting in touch with the emotions that bring about my unhealthy eating habits seems like a daunting task. I am happy to report that most recently, I have been tackling my biggest food fight. Stress. Oh, it seems to be ever so abundant in my life right now. I have been learning to take time out from my hectic schedule for some much needed me time. I have even been reading, EVERYDAY. Everyday. I haven't read every day in years. I am also finding much relief in long walks with my dear fiance and long hot baths as often as possible.
Though I have these fears, I feel empowered. So empowered that I ate my cereal out of a teeny tiny bowl this morning. ;)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
This is me.
I am here, in the world of bloggers, to account for my food worries, issues, strengths, weaknesses and everything in between. Including chocolate cake.
I have struggled with my weight for a few years, now. I didn't get fat until I was in my mid twenties and I only spent a couple years as "the fat girl". When I was fat, I didn't even realize it, really. It never dawned on me that size 22 pants on a 5'2 chick was fat. For so many years, I was "as skinny as a rail", even to the point that my grandmother use to tell me that I ate like a bird. So, as I got heavier, I guess I had my self fooled by so many years of being thin. I didn't see fat, I saw the bird. Then one day, I saw myself in the mirror and realized that I was in fact fat. I hadn't stepped on a scale in about 10 years, I guess. I remember that I weighed 104lbs in high school. Boy was I shocked to see 220lbs on the scale after those ten years had passed.
Because it was the only thing I had ever heard of, I joined Weight Watchers. I remembered sitting in ww meetings with my mom as a child and that it really "worked" for her. I didn't go to meetings, I joined online and started on the flex plan right away. I quickly lost 14lbs and stopped when I heard about the Atkins diet. It sounded too good to be true, I started it right away. In a matter of months, I was down 40lbs and was feeling great. Well, except that pesky little pain in my foot that caused me to be unable to walk. Yeah, it is called gout and is a side effect for some people who follow the Atkins diet. Too much protein. So anyway, I went on to something else. I did the Dr. Phil thing, the do it on my own thing, all sorts of things and gained my way back up to 186.
After realizing that my size 14's were being banished to the back of the closet for size 16's, I joined ww again. Once again, I did the flex plan. I quickly learned that I HATED counting points. With every passion inside of my being, I HATED counting points. So, I read up on the core plan and immediately switched. And to my surprise, it worked. Like a charm in fact. I worked my way down to 156, my lowest since I started my adventures in dieting. And then it happened.
I Quit Smoking.
I gained 4lbs in a week. I was devastated. So, I forged ahead with the core plan, I began to run and was able to lose a few more. Then my weight began to yo yo like never before. I was frustrated, mad and hungry. So, I went back to the flex plan and still ate the core foods. Lost some, went back to just core and back up I went. So, I kind of gave up on ww and just started counting calories on sparkpeople. That sucked even more than flex, I think. Then one day I saw the Oprah show and was amazed by Dr. Oz. I could feel it in my bones that he was going to save me from my battles with the yo yo. I was stoked, I tried it, it worked. I got down to 143.4! That was short lived. Even though I felt amazing, my weight started to creep back up.
Throughout this journey, I made professions that I would just maintain for a while. I declared I had found the diet for me. Meanwhile, nothing really "worked". No matter what I tried, I still wanted chocolate cake, pizza and ice cream. So with the help of a dear friend, I realized that my focus was out of wack. I realized that no matter what the "diet" is, it isn't the solution. I have to change the way I see food. Food isn't bad, even if it is covered in chocolate. Food is for nurishment and even pleasure. But food isn't for soothing stress, anger or frustration. Eating chocolate because I feel fat surely isn't going to solve the problem.
So, I have delved into the world of intuitive eating. A world of eating only when you are hungry, stopping at satisfied, not feeling guilt and removing the "good" and "bad" labels from food. In this world, I must also give up the idea that there is no "on the wagon" or "off the wagon", it is a lifelong journey. This concept is a bit surreal to me. In the past five years, I haven't been able to eat chocolate, pizza or ice cream with out feeling guilt. Even if I was counting my points for it.
So, now, the question is:
Can I eat intuitively?
~c~
I have struggled with my weight for a few years, now. I didn't get fat until I was in my mid twenties and I only spent a couple years as "the fat girl". When I was fat, I didn't even realize it, really. It never dawned on me that size 22 pants on a 5'2 chick was fat. For so many years, I was "as skinny as a rail", even to the point that my grandmother use to tell me that I ate like a bird. So, as I got heavier, I guess I had my self fooled by so many years of being thin. I didn't see fat, I saw the bird. Then one day, I saw myself in the mirror and realized that I was in fact fat. I hadn't stepped on a scale in about 10 years, I guess. I remember that I weighed 104lbs in high school. Boy was I shocked to see 220lbs on the scale after those ten years had passed.
Because it was the only thing I had ever heard of, I joined Weight Watchers. I remembered sitting in ww meetings with my mom as a child and that it really "worked" for her. I didn't go to meetings, I joined online and started on the flex plan right away. I quickly lost 14lbs and stopped when I heard about the Atkins diet. It sounded too good to be true, I started it right away. In a matter of months, I was down 40lbs and was feeling great. Well, except that pesky little pain in my foot that caused me to be unable to walk. Yeah, it is called gout and is a side effect for some people who follow the Atkins diet. Too much protein. So anyway, I went on to something else. I did the Dr. Phil thing, the do it on my own thing, all sorts of things and gained my way back up to 186.
After realizing that my size 14's were being banished to the back of the closet for size 16's, I joined ww again. Once again, I did the flex plan. I quickly learned that I HATED counting points. With every passion inside of my being, I HATED counting points. So, I read up on the core plan and immediately switched. And to my surprise, it worked. Like a charm in fact. I worked my way down to 156, my lowest since I started my adventures in dieting. And then it happened.
I Quit Smoking.
I gained 4lbs in a week. I was devastated. So, I forged ahead with the core plan, I began to run and was able to lose a few more. Then my weight began to yo yo like never before. I was frustrated, mad and hungry. So, I went back to the flex plan and still ate the core foods. Lost some, went back to just core and back up I went. So, I kind of gave up on ww and just started counting calories on sparkpeople. That sucked even more than flex, I think. Then one day I saw the Oprah show and was amazed by Dr. Oz. I could feel it in my bones that he was going to save me from my battles with the yo yo. I was stoked, I tried it, it worked. I got down to 143.4! That was short lived. Even though I felt amazing, my weight started to creep back up.
Throughout this journey, I made professions that I would just maintain for a while. I declared I had found the diet for me. Meanwhile, nothing really "worked". No matter what I tried, I still wanted chocolate cake, pizza and ice cream. So with the help of a dear friend, I realized that my focus was out of wack. I realized that no matter what the "diet" is, it isn't the solution. I have to change the way I see food. Food isn't bad, even if it is covered in chocolate. Food is for nurishment and even pleasure. But food isn't for soothing stress, anger or frustration. Eating chocolate because I feel fat surely isn't going to solve the problem.
So, I have delved into the world of intuitive eating. A world of eating only when you are hungry, stopping at satisfied, not feeling guilt and removing the "good" and "bad" labels from food. In this world, I must also give up the idea that there is no "on the wagon" or "off the wagon", it is a lifelong journey. This concept is a bit surreal to me. In the past five years, I haven't been able to eat chocolate, pizza or ice cream with out feeling guilt. Even if I was counting my points for it.
So, now, the question is:
Can I eat intuitively?
~c~
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