Pink polka dot swim suit. Yep, I bought one of those this past weekend while on my mini vacation. And guess what, it was not a traumatic experience like I thought it would be. I took about 6 suits into the fitting room and chose the one that looked the best. This is the first bathing suit I have bought in probably 8 or 9 years. I never got into a swim suit when I was fat...ever. After years of trauma of trying on swim suits and not liking them, this time was different. Now granted, I will not be submitting photos to Sports Illustrated any time soon but I must say, I looked pretty good! Even though the tag said size 12 instead of 6.
Do you know that I even went on the beach wearing it? And I didn't feel like a beached whale and I didn't feel consumed by what others thought of me. I relaxed and hung out on the beach with Mike, like a normal person. I forgot how much I loved the beach until this past weekend. I am even looking forward to going back.
I imagine that 4 months ago, all of this would have turned out very differently, though the tag would have still read size 12. 4 months ago, I would have taken only black suits into the fitting room and I probably would have "settled" on the frumpiest one because it covered it all up. And I shudder to think of how I would have felt on the beach wearing it. You know, I really don't even know if I would have worn a bathing suit on the beach. I would have stuck to shorts and a t-shirt, I am sure.
All of this made me realize that even though I am having tough times, my anti diet lifestyle is making me love myself. I am losing my regard for what other people think of me and my own outlook is improving. Maybe size 12 isn't so bad after all.
7 comments:
That's wonderful! I have spent years not wanting to do things because I thought I was too fat. Or doing them and then worrying about how I looked fat the whole time. It's such a waste!
What a wonderful realization! I know I had a similar one on my recent vacation. And one of the things that helped me was seeing how many different colors, sizes and shapes of people there were at the pool and on the beaches. I think it helped me to appreciate myself just that little bit more. We are all unique and that is something to be celebrated.
hey there C,
I just found your blog today and I think you're just delightful, amazing, fantastic, lively, real...
I hope to keep getting to know you better (because boy, can I relate to a lot of what you say!).
take care,
ae
Ya makin me blush ae :) It is nice to "meet" you.
"My anti diet lifestyle is making me love myself" is such a great statement to make! I love discovering how many of us in the world are now on this intuitive eating journey. And no, size 12 is most definitely not that bad at all...! ;)
Yay - good for you! I've posted before about being happier now than I was at my thinnest - isn't it great just to accept your body and stop wanting to change it? Such a relief!
Oh, swimsuits. It's been years since I owned one. Wait. I take that back. I used to have one a year ago (tankini, nothing fancy) but I lost it.
Anyway, you know, my big thing has always been my shoulders and arms. When I started gaining weight, I mean REALLY gaining weight at age 10-13, I started to get stretch marks on my shoulders. I HATED them. I thought I was so disgusting. So, I never wore sleveless.
Even at my wedding, I had to settle on a dress because I hated my arms.
Now, I'm at the point where I like them. My scars tell me how far I've come in learning to love myself and accept myself. The marks will always be there, so I can't live life thinking that a part of me is disgusting.
Enjoy your new confidence.
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