Beef, it's what's for lunch.

Yesterday, after a year and half without beef, chicken or pork, I ate a cheeseburger for lunch. I have been craving meat for a really long time. I tried to convince myself that I really didn't need meat. No matter what I ate, the cravings did not go away. Finally, yesterday, I realized what was going on with me. Rewind a year and a half....

I decided to give up meat after pondering it for a couple of weeks. I convinced myself that it was for "health" reasons. I knew a few vegetarians, oddly enough, they were all very thin. Hmmmm. That makes ya wonder doesn't it. So, now lets fast forward back to a couple of months ago. I was reading the IE book and they mentioned that some people give up meat to lose weight under the umbrella of it being for health reasons. I had no idea that the book meant me. Until yesterday. The thought had crossed my mind on a number of occasions but I blew off those thoughts because I would have never been that desperate to lose weight. Or would I?

Yesterday, when I bit into that cheeseburger, I realized that I was, in fact, that desperate to lose weight. I can't describe the sense of relief that my body felt. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me, like I was done pretending. I felt enlightened; I was just ignoring what my body was telling me for "health" reasons. I had been trying to figure out for the past few weeks what forbidden food I had been forgetting about. Who would have thought, it was cheeseburgers?

Today, I feel like my list of forbidden foods is complete; slowly but surely I worked my way through it. I feel free to eat whatever in the h*ll I want.

Including the pepperoni and sausage pizza I had for dinner.

Triggers

I had a binge of sorts yesterday and a minor run in with some thin mint girl scout cookies on Saturday. The good news is that I am aware of why both happened.

On Saturday, we went to visit my family because my little sister was going to her Senior Prom. What a happy time in a girls life, well except the spazmatic episode of applying prom worthy make up. This episode had me pacing and wanting to claw out my own eyes. I searched the fridge and the freezer for something to sooth me. And to my delight, there was a brand new box of girl scout cookies in the freezer. The best way to eat them, of course. And eat them I did. Between my dad and I, we polished off a sleeve of them, I think. My the time I was done, the make up was applied and all was right in prom land again.

Yesterday, I woke up with horrible, incurable heartburn. My symptoms have been worse when my stomach is empty, I have come to learn. So, I ate my breakfast and but that didn't do the trick as it normally does. So, after about an hour or so passed, I thought maybe I did not eat enough. So, I decided to have a snack even though I wasn't really hungry. I ate some brown bread with hummus and a graham cracker with nutella. I was stuffed when I was done. My symptoms were milder, but still there. So, I drank so ginger ale. They went away for a bit but came back. So what did I do? I ate more brown bread and hummus and a yogurt.

On both occasions, I was aware that I was ignoring my hunger signals and eating for sheer comfort. Saturday, it was stress and yesterday it was being sick. And so what, really. I was at least aware that I was eating for other reasons, I recognized the feelings and now I am moving on. I think that this part of the process is just as important as anything else.

Recognizing Triggers is a very good thing.

If I listen, I can hear

So, what the IE book says really is true. One of the principles in the book is called "Honor your health-Gentle Nutrition", which is basically giving your body what it wants and needs by honoring your health and your tastebuds. In the book, it talks about the stages that one might go through in the IE process. The first stage will most likely be honoring your tastebuds...only. It goes on to say that you will learn what foods make your body feel good and that soon enough, you will actually want the foods that are more nutritious than say...brownies with ice cream.

I was very reluctant to actually honor my tastebuds instead of my health. I could hear the points values ticking off in my head and a little Dr. Oz on my shoulder talking about HFCS and trans fats. I dabbled with this or that food but was really afraid to let go of those thoughts and really embrace what I really wanted to eat. But, being the committed girl that I am, I got over it and moved forward with the process.

I listened and ate what I really wanted. I have felt very satisfied with each and every meal and even over ate with that one meal. I have gone through the process of honoring every single solitary taste bud in my mouth...I think :) And for the past fews days, something happened that I think is wonderful. I had breakthrough heartburn. Which for those of you who may not know, I have been having constant issues with heartburn for a few months now and was given medication (two kinds) and have mainly felt relief except on some random occasions. My doctor is sending me to a specialist to have more tests since he has run every test he can think of.

So, why do I think that breakthough heartburn is wonderful, you might ask? Well, because I it is making me really listen to my body and give it what it needs. Especially since in the past my heartburn issues have not been food related and now they seem to be. My body seems to be screaming at this point for more nutritious foods, like vegetables and whole grains.

I am really learning that I can eat the things that I truly love and not gain weight at a rate equal to the speed of light. I can eat out with my friends without having to fear the menu and I can stop avoiding social situations that don't fit my "diet". But the best news is this, I really do love vegetables, I could not *actually* live on chocolate cake alone.

Wow. Aren't our bodies and minds amazing?

Two things....

There are actually three, but I am running short on time and will post about the third later. The first is a victory for me!! The second, in an odd strange way (positive self talk) is too.

First, I did not weigh myself this morning. I repeat, I did not weigh myself this morning. On Monday, when I was feeling pretty dumpy about my body and my food intake on my vacation, I did not weigh because I did not want to beat myself up any further. I told myself, that if "necessary", I would weigh on Friday. Well, this morning, I realized that no matter what the scale says, my clothes are fitting better than they were on Monday and I feel pretty good, so why bother with that stupid number? No need too, as I saw it.

Secondly, I ate to a 10 last night :( The strangest thing happened, I was making one of my favorite meals, BBQ Tofu Pizza and roasted broccoli, and I was pretty hungry. For some reason, I had been insatiable all afternoon. So, as I browned the tofu in the pan, I nibbled on a few pieces and I drank some ginger ale. Well, low and behold, once dinner was ready, I said to Mike, "I don't think I am hungry". And then it happened. The mind games began, I had the Intuitive Eater on one shoulder and the Dieter on the other. The Dieter won and this is how it happened:

IE: I'm not hungry anymore
Dieter: But it is dinner time, you are allowed to eat so you have to
IE: But really, I don't think I am hungry
Dieter: Yes, yes you are

So, I pick up the plate and take a few bites

IE: Yeah, I am pretty sure I am not hungry
Dieter: But what if you get hungry in 30 minutes
IE: I will just eat in 30 minutes
Dieter: But it is dinner time now and you and Mike have things to do. If you don't eat now, you won't be able to

So, I pick up the plate and almost polish it off. Now, it really was not a large serving by any stretch of the imagination but I wasn't hungry. By the time I was done, I was stuffed and bloated. I felt like carp. I can't believe that I used to eat this way at pretty much every meal of every day. I actually went to sleep. My body was not up for anything except digesting all of the food I had stuffed into it. The plans that Mike and I had, shot to hell, I was asleep.

So, the lesson is this: LISTEN TO MY BODY, there will always be more food. I mean come on, I must be the biggest foodie on the planet. I will never let the cupboards be bare or the fridge be empty. And Mike, he would never let me be hungry, he doesn't like the evil demon that appears when I am starving even if we did have plans.

A Hunger Scale of my very own

Since I started my intuitive eating journey I have been trying to figure out my own personal hunger scale. I have researched the hunger scale on the Internet, read the one in the IE book and talked to a number of people; I never seemed to find one that fit me and my thoughts on being hungry/full. So, I talked to Mon about it and asked what she thought of me developing my own. She thought it was a great idea so I forged ahead with developing my own.

The reason that the ones from other sources never seemed to "fit" was because none described both the thought process AND the body/stomach sensations. I am sure I am not the only one that has both :) I really starting listening to my body and most importantly I started listening to the things I would say out loud to someone I might be with when my stomach/body/mind was talking to me. That seemed to really help me with figuring it out.

So here it goes:

The Hunger Scale of ~C~ (the goal would be to stay between 2 and 7)

10: OMG, I ate way too much, I think I might puke and then take a nap/Bloated and very uncomfortable
9: I ate too much/Very Full and a bit uncomfortable
8: I think I ate too much/Full
7: I ate just the right amount, I feel comfortably satisfied/I *know* there is food in there
6: I think I am still hungry/Not quite satisfied...but almost
5: I am thinking of something other than food/Neutral
4: mmmm...food, what do I want to eat/A sense of emptiness but still OK
3: I am hungry and ready to eat/Empty
2: I am pretty hungry/Starting to growl
1: I am starving, my only thought process is food/Growling non stop, I may feel a bit shaky and probably irritable
0: Where am I, oh I must be in the hospital because I passed out /I have never made it this far so I don't know what it feels like :)

And that is what hunger/full feels like...to me.

I would love to hear opinions about how I feel vs. how you feel on your own hunger scale.

I want some "real" food!

I have been out of town at a conference for work for the past few days. The food was fabulous, probably because I was the person responsible for making the arrangements. Anyway, I did very well with not stuffing myself and overall, I feel very good about how I handled it. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and felt very satisfied. I did eat beyond satisfaction last night at dinner but I realize I was very tired and wasn't able to really focus on just eating. But, no guilty feelings for that!

Anyway, all I can think about is a salad. A nice fresh crisp salad. And I don't want it because it is "healthy", I want it because that is what my body says it needs and wants. I can't wait, I am even going to have it with ranch dressing.


munch...munch...

Am I still hungry?

For the past couple of nights, I have eaten dinner to a point of what I thought was satisfying. But within 15 minutes of "finishing", I still feel hungry. I think that I am afraid of eating too much. I guess I have been trying to leave food on my plate, though I am serving myself small portions. My mind is playing tricks on me.

I have always been a member of the clean plate club, for as long as I can remember. In fact, my very first memory as a child is my father enforcing the clean plate rule. My mind has just always thought that if the plate was empty, then it is OK to quit eating. For the first few days of IE, I really had a hard time leaving food on my plate, but I worked my way through it and accepted that it is OK to leave the food there. Better to go to waste than to my waist.

So, what is happening, some sort of weird reverse psychology? Now, I have it in my head that if I do finish my plate then I MUST have eaten too much. Boy, what I fine line this one truly is. The truth of the matter is that if I haven't served myself 17 potions, then it may in fact be OK to clean my plate. And even still, I could go back for seconds on occasion.

Hmmm. What a concept.

3/4 of a bread stick?

One of my favorite foods is Italian. Love it. Could eat it every meal of every day. But, in my previous diet life, I avoided Italian restaurants like the plague. Too much bread, pasta and fabulous salad dressing. Had I gone to an Italian place in my diet life, I would have been "off the wagon", of course. And of course, I would have eaten the entire bread basket, a "fattening" salad, my entire meal and dessert. I would have left feeling like I needed my stomach pumped and that a nap was in my very near future.

Oh my, how times have changed.

Yesterday, Mike, my dear fiance and I went to eat at an Italian place for lunch! I was excited and ready to listen to my body for this fabulous meal. I ordered my favorite dish from the menu, mushroom stuffed ravioli, instead of what I perceived to be the healthiest thing to order. So, along came the salad and the bread, probably my favorite part. Can I just say that I ate the salad without touching the bread? I once again ate slowly, enjoying every bite and I didn't avoid the croutons. Once I finished the salad, I patiently waited for my meal to come. I did not gobble down bread until the basket was clean. Let me say it again, I did not gobble down bread until the basket was clean.

So, my meal arrived and it looked divine. With the meal, I did have bread and each and every bite of my lunch was enjoyed. I must say, it was very pleasurable. Once I decided that I was satisfied, I put my napkin in my plate and noticed something that was astonishing to my eyes. There was 1/4 of the bread stick left.

This was a life changing moment for me. Can I really walk out of an Italian restaurant not feeling stuffed? Can I really just eat 3/4 of a bread stick?


Why, yes, yes I can :)

The sigh

Yesterday, I spent alot of time reading blogs, articles and talking to people about the hunger scale and knowing when enough is enough. I was feeling a bit discouraged about the hunger scale as I couldn't seem to find anything that really fit me. I spoke to my dear friend, Monica, the health counselor about it. I suggested to her that I wanted to write my own hunger scale. She thought it was a terrific idea, so I hope to produce one of those in the next couple of days. I did, however, find what I thought was a very exciting tip about how to know when enough is enough. Through the ww core plan, I learned about the sigh and I have only ever caught it once so this new tip was thrilling to find. One blogger said that she knew she was satisfied when she wanted to take a drink of water while eating. Oh My. What a great little tip, I took this knowledge and was ready to put it into action at dinner.

So, my dear fiance and I sat down for a lovely meal of tofu and vegetable stir fry over bulgar, one of my favorites. Armed with my glass of water, I began to eat. Well, after two bites I was thirsty. Damn teryaki sauce. I knew this was not my point of satisfied. So, I really took my time chewing, putting my fork down between bites and really enjoying the flavors. And low and behold, guess what happened. Yep, that's right. I sighed. And better still, I stopped eating when it happened and my stomach felt exactly comfortable with the amount of food in it. Who'd a thunk.

Sigh.