Feeling Fat...

Last week, I was on vacation. I went into the vacation excited about the prospect of eating intuitively and not gaining the usual "5lbs from vacay". I thought to myself that I would come home from vacation without feelings of guilt from all of the "bad" food. And I am the first to admit that I was completely wrong.

This morning, I put on work pants that were too big for me just a week and a half ago. Today, they fit, but I look very pudgy in them. I am feeling very sad and guilty that I let this happen. I had been so positive and excited about my new intuitive eating lifestyle. Actually, the pants "fit" when I bought them and they became too big in just my short stint of intuitive eating. I had been doing so well with just eating like a "normal" person and really getting in touch with my hunger signals. I had not been beating myself up about choices that I would not have previously made in my life on a diet. I was actually feeling good about them because I was staying in control instead of falling off the deep end and stuffing myself silly.

Looking back on my vacation, I realize that on several instances I ate when I was not hungry. I also ate a carp load of Easter candy for no reason except that it was there and it tasted good. I think I focused too much on stopping at satisfied that I lost sight of only eating when I was hungry. The good news is that I did not try beating myself up further by stepping on the scale this morning. A couple of weeks ago, I had Mike put the scale away so that I would not be tempted to check it every day. This morning, I really wanted to take the scale out and see "the damage". But, I did not. I really can't remember exactly when the last time I stepped on the scale was, I am thinking it was about two weeks ago. Hopefully, this is a trend that will continue, but I am sure I am going to have to have many fights with my brain. Why is it that one number can have such power over one's brain?

I know that these feelings of guilt will subside and I will regain my ability to eat intuitively. I just know it.